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Who's running the show?

Jan 03, 2022

Who runs your internal life - your critic or your loving friend?

Not sure? Let me tell you a story about the difference.

I took a tumble recently while trail running. My foot got caught on a tree root…while I was trail running downhill…at full speed.

I went flying. I fell hard. I freaked out immediately.

I rolled over and off the trail. I looked for exposed bone and blood.

I watched my brain freak out (this is one of the best things I’ve learned from coaching so far… separating out my ego, my emotional reactions and my thoughts as they happen).

I then checked myself out, tested my sore ankle and knee and limped my way the 2 miles back to the car.

And coached the eff out of my brain the whole way.

In the past, my inner critic would have taken over and made me feel SO MUCH WORSE.

She (I call her Negative Nelly) would have insulted me and demeaned me and pretty much shamed me for NOT seeing the tree root, for NOT paying full attention (I was in my flow and vibe and was loving life in the moment before I flew), for NOT knowing what MIGHT HAPPEN ahead of time and predicting the future.

She also wanted me to be mad at my husband for not “rescuing” me… for no one else coming to find me… for the injustice and embarrassment of falling in the woods, for having the audacity to run joyfully without concern on a trail… for not securing my phone or sunglasses (that took a little trip too).

Oh and she would have tried to convince me that the ENTIRE weekend trip was RUINED by this ONE ten second fall.

But in the moments after I fell, I heard her and then I refocused.

I allowed myself to feel scared, alone, sad, and in pain. I breathed through the discomfort. I slowed down, I checked in, I processed what had just happened.

I then encouraged myself to keep moving forward, one step at a time, knowing that I would make it through this, I would get back to the car, I know how to go to the urgent care if needed, and I was able to communicate with hubby and let him know I was able to walk and that I’d meet him where we had planned originally.

My ego was still smarting a few hours later, but I was also immensely PROUD of myself. I took care of myself. I, for one of the first times EVER, was able to fully feel safe and secure and loved, unconditionally.

I’m sharing this because it has been a long ass journey to get to this moment.

I have blamed other people and situations for my feelings for YEARS. (Side note: I still do, but now I am aware when it happens and redirect… practice makes better every single day).
I felt constantly like a victim and rather helpless.
I wondered why things happened TO ME.
And I raged at the injustice of the world, my jobs, my friends, even my family and the people I love most.

The person I blamed the most?


This was the result of being a perfectionistic people-pleaser.

It’s something I work on every single day. 

Loving myself without judgment and letting go of my shame-voice and ignoring Negative Nelly are some of the biggest work I’ve accomplished with coaching in the last year.

Applying the tools and empowering myself allowed me to FULLY show up for myself in my time of need is a reason for me to celebrate.

Even physically broken, bruised, and battered… I was able to carry on.

You’re capable of this too. You can tap into your resources and show up powerfully for yourself whenever you want to. 

No matter what’s happened in the past or is going on currently - you can show up for yourself in a way that builds trust, love, and empowers you to know that you can handle ANYTHING that comes your way.

When your critic is in charge, you’ll compound icky feelings and end up in blame or shame.

When your loving friend is in charge, you may not feel fantastic, but you’ll feel safe, secure, and loved, always.

I highly encourage you to engage your loving friend and join forces, it's a great way to thrive and build confidence, no matter what's going on around you. 


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